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psychosis, paranoia, plant food and new builds
#1
I used to do loads of illegal pills and street powders, smoke loads all over place stuff...copius amounts canabis... a bit of powder when I could afford... it was the 80's, 90's and 00's and everyone was at it....

then went down the plant food road while it lasted... it came along at point when street materials had become very bad and not performing... the were various reasons and theories but I think one of the ingredients in MDMA was in short supply... that was the main reason

So had a happy couple of years on plantfood... it turned me into a complete nutter worse than any other drug I think... walking around central london on my own like a crack head snorting lines on the bus then just enjoying going round the public transport... or looking in the sex shops in soho... and leering at women on the tube (what a wanker)... developed some mild psychosis at times... hearing things etc

plant food went and i used various branded replacements off and on until I discovered this site and found out about MDAI & stim... changed to 3fp when MPA got taken from us



But recently I have started using 4-EPH combination and you quickly a
a bit more shabby as a person due to this. Also a bit more paranoid...

When I first moved to my flat I was heavily into plant food... it was new build just made of cardboard really... when I was on plant food I was addicted to blow job porn... in case you don't know leaving a bit sound on to a POV blow jobs scene (via earbuds of course) adds to the ambience quite nicely.

Anyway this could go on for hours plant food, blowjob film, plant food, blow job film etc etc... to the point where would actually turn down sex to watch Jonni Darkko film with my plant food... yeah its really weird.



Anyway because I'm in a new build I used to worry that the sound carried late at night and exposed me a plant food / blow job addict... most new buils a really shit there is real privacy its like being in the same house and me and the lady downstairs did fall out over noise once but she never said anything about blow job porn... in fact to this day she has never admitted it... but she was angry and banging on the floor for some reason... but i think it is more about heavy feet and late night domestic accidents with her... but I wouldnt want to hear someone elses porn coming through the ceiling at 4am, and she might have been too embarrassed to say it... right so we sorted it anyway and I stopped being noisy and she stopped banging... and plant food got banned anyway... we sometimes annoy each other but we are civilised and polite and accept our situation (not much privacy through card board walls...

Well I have been MDAI + stim combo for almost a year and I must admit not having a girlfriend I like watching blow job films (and some other niche porn stuff) in the early hours and sometimes into the morning (and afternoon)...

even if she can't hear the dialogue she will hear poncing around and I will disturb her.

so i dont do it my bedroom anymore if i can help it... because downstairs will kick off so Im in the living room and try and keep the sound off unless it is a particuarly good bit of dirty talking...

so now i'm in the front room and I like it... but I get really paranoid that my neighbours on the other side can hear it... sometimes even with all the sound turned off and the headphone in the jack... I think there may be a small amount of sound leaking out that I am too fucked to hear and its travelling through the paper thin walls torwards my very straight neibours highly sensitive ears... also as mentioned in a previous post my laptop starts to scream with certain video formats

sometimes they seem to become a bit restless a sudden burst of activity when I put something on as if they can hear it.

They start moving around stuff... because I can hear them also...

But things get really weird sometimes I just start to choose a title from my downloads or just browse to a site and there appears to lots of disruption nextdoor as if they object... but how they know?

Is there a small amount of sound leaking from my computer? it seems ok when im not fucked but you should hear the processor screaming after even 2 or 3 hours of filth its very hard know (especially when mdai'd up with 4 eph anyway) if there is any dialogue going out as well... maybe im too fucked to hear it but through the walls it can be heard?

You'd think they would just bang on the wall or speak to me if there was problem... or if they need say you "we don't to hear about sucking cock at 4am" then drop a note through the door.

or (and this where I start getting really paranoid) do they know what i'm doing somehow... can they access my machine or unwittingly pick it up on another device? My record deck picks up their TV... maybe they have some home entertainment that picks it (in which case they should not look if they don't want to know)...

or maybe their tv picks it somehow and they have to,listen jonni darkko's girls talking about cock when they are trying to watch a film...

I have turned 2 bluetooth things off... I have turned off all sharing and access that I can... we all have our own wi-fi...

how about phones they cant access it their phone can they? I have turned off all streaming etc



what do you guys think? do they know I'm on drugs and have a blow job fetish... or am I becoming deluded paranoid and psychotic from too many drugs?

somes time it takes me ages to watch one scene because I have to keep stopping to see if anyone is making noises that could be to object...

when I am straight I just dismiss it as drug induced paranoia... but he has a new misses now and disruption when i put something on has become intensified with a more direct action to make a statement... like banging a door very hard or something...

I should point out now that I have been awake since friday morning... mainly the neighbors fault I want to watch a nice film before I go to bed but everytime a put something on or within five minutes a door or window gets banged  or someone comes in and out of the front door is if to say where is that noise coming from? or maybe we dont to hear you blow job films thanks... and i end waiting for them to go out so i can relax a bit... this can take hours...

I should also point out that I have been doing 4 eph (with 3fpm and mdai) every weekend for a month so maybe that 4 eph is getting para like the plant food did also...

tonight is probably my last night experimenting anyway... the scenes dead in a week... maybe ill do something next week but I don't to buy anymore at this stage...

so I would like you opinion ASAP... should this post be dismissed as paranoia with a touch porn guilt or is a valid security check to my device to prevent leaked information?

help me out here... so that took quite a lot of explaining I hope somebody sticks with it.


Blankets screw you up. Just say no.
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#2
Is the lady downstairs hot?
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#3
I've lived in similar situations, and at my lowest it was very bad. But it's bad in a different way when looking back. Bad in a 'I was an idiot' way, but at the time 'bad I have no privacy, everyone is trying to stop me or hint at me' kinda way.

Truth is that chances are you're mildly hallucinating. You'll refuse that but trust me, take 2-3 days off and you'll genuinely feel stupid and relaxed about the thoughts you're feeling now.

The banging doors and thuds of 'yeah we know what you're fucking doing' filled my head for a long time, but looking back now I feel stupid. Not for doing it, but for letting these stupid things ruin my time doing it as it was all in my head.

You won't accept that it's in your head at the time though, as you're literally hearing and seeing it live in front of you, but trust me. Take 2 full nights sleep and eat well and your head will be in a much better place to analyse it all.

All the best!
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#4
Just paranoia.

I always stick a rizla over my laptop webcam when watching porn when on drugs.

Sometimes when boobstation is on I convince myself they can see me.

If I'm on my neighbours WiFi I get super paranoid ,thinking they can see what I'm doing.

I could go on.....

Just drugs mate .



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#5
I will add to this thread when I have more time ,but I am glad I am not alone in this way of thinking .Even clicking my mouse just reading the news and stuff got me paranoid in the end .
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#6
man i just typed excellent response very grateful for all the help and being witty about psychosis and blow job porn... then fucking hit the back button without posting...

any way I said something like I have just dosed up on mdai and 3fpm so I was glad to here that I can carry on as usual and stop being such a para cat... better to be a para cat than have the neighbours know I watch blow job porn...

I didnt think anyone would get the bottom of that post to be honest it was so long...
(27-03-2016, 08:31 PM)ImaginayFortnight Wrote: Is the lady downstairs hot?

no average and slightly overweight... everyone used ask that... they used to say she was banging on the floor for late night action... but she wasn't she was moaning about me staying up all night every saturday walking about a bit too clumsy for time in the morning... plus those LU doves (which used them they good) used do that E thing where need a piss every 2 minute... I think me getting up and open closing doors at 4Aam disturbs her even if you try to be quiet cos the wall are so thinb...

(27-03-2016, 09:28 PM)loveetypestuff Wrote: I will add to this thread when I have more time ,but I am glad I am not alone in this way of thinking .Even clicking my mouse just reading the news and stuff got me paranoid in the end .


Yes I remember your thread where you said you couldnt look your house mates in the eye...

Yeah I can really weird and start setting decoys like putting you tube so its innocent...

even sometimes i wonder if they can hear tap the keys.... oh man I got give up taking drugs really all this negativity...

you know fucking 8 hours of porn can't do you much good psychologically all that imagry.. and there is a never ending stream on tap for free... I remember before being online you would only have an infinite number film available so you would get bored and do something else like go to sleep


Blankets screw you up. Just say no.
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#7
Shame, might have been able to resolve loads at once  lol

Yeah, it's paranoia. But actually, moving quietly so as no one can hear you attracts the human ear. Move and live freely is my advice. But that feeling of being actually listened to, another active consciousness continually observing you, that's paranoia. The proof is that only yourself is present continuously enough to do that, so it must be you doing it therefore paranoia.
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#8
wow... fuck me. Yes it was paranoia which by 5am turned to psychosis and this thread should definately go into the mental department if we have one (harm reduction maybe?)

By the time I went to bed at 10am this morning I thought the neighbours were shouting at me through the walls... as I said before there are some problems with sound proofing here so you do hear strange things even without drugs... but I had been getting high since Friday I don't think I had any sleep but did go to bed for about 2 hours saturday morning I think... don't think I slept though... I may have dozed off on the couch last night between around 1am and 5am... not sure what I was doing then...

there was a storm here last night and it was really noisy and there was loads banging because the wood work outside flaps around in very strong wind... so despite the collective confirmation from your good selves that there nobody listening and its all in my head... I got really para...

I was alright up until 1am I think then I go blank then its 5am and I am totally freaked out and in between trying to watch blow job porn and freaking out over it I would prowl around the house listening for those listening to me...

around 7am I thought I could here music coming from somewhere (either downstairs or nextdoor) and I thought they were trying to disturb me for watching porn late at night...

so I decided that I had definately pissed them off and they weren't happy and would probably take some kind of action against me.

then I could hear all this movement and I thought they preparing to confront me... which would have been quite awkward because I don't generally want to admit to the neighbours that I take drugs and enjoy  blow job porn but I was going to stay calm, my demeanor would be apologetic but not too apologetic and not guilty or embarrassed because this is my home I am doing nothing illegal (even the drugs) and would to point out to them that it was a weekend and I had all the sound on my laptop turned down but somehow, outside the range of my hearing, a small amount of sound must made its way through walls into their bedrooms and unfortunately woken them from what otherwise would have been a very good nights sleep. So sorry, I must get that laptop looked at blah blah blah...

and if that wasn't good enough for them then I would point out that they often wake me up during the week (not with blow job porn just doors banging and stuff) and I am very tolerent (perhaps too tolerent) about that.

But I had become quite defiant about the genre of movie. If they had a problem with it being porn and in particular blow job porn, and they got a bit aggressive about it then I was going to tell them in no uncetain terms to fuck off out of my face and if they didnt like that then things would get ugly.

Yeah man I was totally off my head. I couldnt hit play on a movie for more than half a second without freaking out and stopping it, which means sitting there for hours sometimes because you really want to see the action.

Thats me done with it now I can't doing that to myself I will end up in the mental hospital.

Fucking hell if some poor sod had (for whatever reason) knocked my door at 9am this morning...


Blankets screw you up. Just say no.
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#9
The amount of times you said 'blow job porn' is hilarious.
But seriously, can relate to all of that (apart from the blow job porn), right down to the 'they're preparing to confront me', and the best thing is to call it quits for now at least. If you do indulge again (my experience s tell me you will) then at least you'll know about moderation and be aware of the paranoia.

All the best
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#10
Every time he said it, I involuntarily imagined a dick that wasn't mine, it was mildly disturbing. Blowjob porn. See.
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