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Getting out of drugs.
#31
Hi, Ste, you can do it. 
i was exactly as you described yourself.
Once a long time ago I asked myself "I am ready to dive into this world, and be someone else?", years ago when I tripped on LSA legal seeds and that legal salvia d.  ...hum early times in the psych's world.

I had a lot of trips on shrooms, LSD, and other, but I felt like on one hand I got more and more information on how I and people think, I got that sens of lucidity about human behaviors and reality in it's own, but one the other side, I lost myself more and more. 
The more you connect to Universe, the more your identity get faded out.

One time I really felt the urge to find myself back, to be who I am, and more over that, to know who I was.
I still have acid and shrooms (and other psych's or stims) but I don't want to trip anymore (for now).
It's strange for me as I used to take psychs at least once a week.
I always acted and thought differently to most friends I had, I was really close to mother Nature and this was something hard to handle in my early ages.

But now I am in the kind of state of mind I was previously my first trips.
I know my next trip will be blissful, and my compulsive dosing was the sign I tried to ignore my life.
I tried to forget who I was.

Psychs can shows you so many things you can be lost in, if you forget who you are.

Be yourself and trust yourself in any circumstance, and you will follow God.

I passed hard times, I got crazy and sad, really sad.
But now it helps me to understand even more how we are, how we love and how we hate.

Psychedelics are like a really competent therapist, they show you thinks you will  understand once you'r ready.

Freedom is something you have to fight for, or it slowly leaves humanity'soul. 
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#32
Well done in coming so far on your journey Exxplorer - keep up the good work.

Ste - addiction is a nasty beast but can be beaten. You've already faced up to the fact that alcohol is your demon drug, which is a positive step in aid for recovery.

You can and will beat this. Dig deep for that much wanted and needed strength. Determination is the key, kick its ass and show who's boss.

You have others here (me included) to support you.

Good luck and be safe x
In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different. 
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#33
Sorry , Ste, I forgot why I fist answered to you.
I drank a lot more alcohol when I quit regular psychedelic use, and even more when I tried to avoid benzos.
It helped me in my anxiety, but in fact I got more and more "physically stressed" (high tension,...).

Do you use to drink during day to do things you have to do, or is it more important to you to drink at night, to calm down and sleep ?

It's important to point that out, drinking during day may be sign of anxiety whereas drinking at night may mostly be an habit or sign of insomnia (and again, you should look what causes your insomnia).

Try to have enough sleep, and do sport during day ( we hear that so many times we don't pay attention to it anymore, but it really helps).

MilzyWilzy , Thanks man!

All good mate!
Freedom is something you have to fight for, or it slowly leaves humanity'soul. 
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#34
You give some great advice, Exxplorer. You're a good egg x
In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different. 
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#35
have you thought about professional detox and maybe rehab
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#36
@palpa7 , who ?

Hello, how are you all ?
Didn't touched brown or any other drug since a long time, I also reduced my benzo use nearly to 0.
So yesterday I took an escape from reality.

We tried that MPA, and MDAI, along with other drugs (ab) use.
Today it's over and every-day life starts again, but I feel good without using drugs, a bit depressed at sometimes but overall I'm feeling better, my anxiety has greatly been reduced.

I completely stopped my Prozac treatment, just keeping Remergon, because I was feeling really weird. Since then it was more and more clear in my head, I can feel real pleasure again, and I feel like the energy that was the source of my anxiety became now that kind of energy that puts me to do things, make plans, see people...

So a real improve since my first message here.

Just to give some news, bye, and all good!
Freedom is something you have to fight for, or it slowly leaves humanity'soul. 
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#37
Hello everyone, hope you'r all fine, it's some times now since the beginning of this threat.
I had good and bad states of mood, like everyone (you aren't depressed because you feel bad, I don't believe it's a genetic medical situation, but mostly an inside conflict that has to been resolved, and that can be resolved).

I had much troubles in my live these last months, so that I highly increased my benzo/alcohol consumption, I nearly felt in brown again, but thankfully I had my mind clear enough to see the thing coming on, so I said NO to brown, don't wanted to pass trough hell again.

Just wanted to post an update from my situation, I struggled a lot while reducing my drug consumption, I took methadone (50 mg, then 25 mg, then 10 mg the last day) for about one week (beforehand I wasn't able to make my journey without that f*cking brown, at the nearly start of my real cessation), it helped me along with benzo, I firstly reduced brown for the first 3 weeks and then when I ran out, I decided not to buy any more again.

For those who don't already know, I took massive (and various) benzos doses, also was also drinking a lot, I was acting like a zombie, with no real goal to achieve in my life, I quit all these things I liked before, like playing/listening music, painting, reading and writing, programming; I quit all of these without really noticing it, I also didn't notice how much I was degraded, I didn't took care of me anymore, I looked like I came out of 1 year wild forest survival.

One day I decided to see a doctor and talk to him about my situation, but no words were needed, as he saw me, he instantly understood where I felt down. I already saw a psychiatrist but he didn't helped me, he just put out "forgotten memories" that LSD already showed me before, so he was not better than a simple molecule.

I knew I had to handle with my problems and I had to fight to resolve them as good as I could.

I started a taper plan, using Diazepam, I intentionally took low doses Trazodone (I was prescribed for) with low doses Fluoxetine (yes, again, but in a really lower dosage), just to avoid taking a psychedelic drug (as I got nearly no effect while on these drugs); it wasn't easy, I lost my job, I quit my bachelor studies, I avoided contact with people, suicide was always in my mind as an alternative.
I had nearly no sleep, and my sleep pattern was completely gone, I had rage and tears, commonly simultaneously, I had a feeling of anger and/or fear, paranoia,... I wanted to  destroy everything in my house, and then I told myself how an idiot I was, really poor self-esteem, I also took lots of Quietapine at the start of my taper; I was feeling really depressed.


Now I am down to approx 30 mg Diazepam, sometimes less, 20 mg, I still have to fight against myself to avoid taking more, and I manage my reduction myself (but with help of that really good doctor, who encourage myself).

I'm feeling a lot more better now, more clear headed, I make projects again, I'm looking for a job and will continue my studies next year, I play guitar and drum again and really enjoy it, the only thing I still can't manage well is my anxiety, but I believe it will be all good in a nearly time, once I resolved my personal problems.

So I hope this post will help people who are in "the same" situation as me, you can change, you can be who you really are; when I was in my huge drug consumption, I didn't though I could change anything, I completely lost all motivation and my only rewards where drugs, I could't see no escape.

The most important is to free your mind, completely change how you behave/think even if it's weird (and easy) said like this, changing your habits, forming new rewarding habits like these things I forgot (music, sport,...) it's a real fight against yourself, I often felt like I would die, my bones where as cold as ice, hot/cold sweats, hand tremor, headache and yes, intestinal issues (you know what I mean); but now I know myself even better than before while taking psychedelics, because I can look at myself as I am without judging, with an improved cognitive analysis.

I know how it's easy to fall down to hell, so I pay attention to it, just trust in you...trust in you, that's what saved me.

All good, I will post an update once I completely left benzos, peace all.
Freedom is something you have to fight for, or it slowly leaves humanity'soul. 
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#38
I completely understand everything you say, my problems were slightly different in that they didnt include brown, but Lyrica Baclofen and Kratom and some benzos..

I hope you get the anxiety under control, its a bitch.

Like you it Sounds like all the things I once loved became void such as music, football and running, memories of getting me back to that keep me going and the ability to feeling emotions again is wonderful. Having a goal is important whatever it is but it dosnt happen overnight with these substances. But it keeps you going. Thoughts of trying to be the best person again who is there for anyone keeps me going. My selfishness of drugs made me abandon my loved ones.

Thanks for your positive post Explorer, no matter how much harm anyone thinks they have done to themselves, obsessive thoughts of Brain damage, will i ever be the same again? You Will! It takes a time for your body and mind to reconnect, but trust it, even in the worst bouts of pain wether it be mental or physical, those bouts are your body healing.

Trust your body and Mind.
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#39
(19-03-2016, 02:10 AM)Mr Green Plant Wrote: I completely understand everything you say, my problems were slightly different in that they didnt include brown, but Lyrica Baclofen and Kratom and some benzos..

I hope you get the anxiety under control, its a bitch.

Like you it Sounds like all the things I once loved became void such as music, football and running, memories of getting me back to that keep me going and the ability to feeling emotions again is wonderful. Having a goal is important whatever it is but it dosnt happen overnight with these substances. But it keeps you going. Thoughts of trying to be the best person again who is there for anyone keeps me going. My selfishness of drugs made me abandon my loved ones.

Thanks for your positive post Explorer, no matter how much harm anyone thinks they have done to themselves, obsessive thoughts of Brain damage, will i ever be the same again? You Will! It takes a time for your body and mind to reconnect, but trust it, even in the worst bouts of pain wether it be mental or physical, those bouts are your body healing.

Trust your body and Mind.

Many thanks, it's an uplifting message you left here, it gives me even more courage to change, and find myself again.
Edit: yes feeling emotions again is so grateful, it vaults the pain I went trough.
All good mate.
Cheers.

Also I wanted to give a piece of advice before I forget it.

If you have trouble sleeping, meditating helps a lot (and for anxiety to, in some extend) along with sport, in addition to that, there are antihistamines working great to induce or help sleep, the two better I've tried were Hydroxyzine (HCl)  (prescription needed) or Diphenhydramine ( no prescription needed), both are potent H1 antagonist, while Hydroxyzine may also show a relative anxiety attenuation (it's not an anxiolytic drug). 
Trazodone works for some people, I found it relatively weak and useless. 

But like all drug, try not to form an habit of it's use, it is just an useful help in some case of insomnia where you try to avoid benzos/barbiturates or others..
Freedom is something you have to fight for, or it slowly leaves humanity'soul. 
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#40
Hydroxyzine is used widely as an Anxiolytic. Its underused here but use as a traq is common in some countries. Legal to import for personal use as its not controlled. Don't expect miracles but i found it helpful, no sedation though its pure anxiety relief. No mention of dependance in patient leaflet but anything able to positively affect your mood can be psychologically addictive, think it works in similar manner to some anti-depressants but relief is 30 minutes rather than 2 weeks away. I found Trazadone to be extremely sedating at 100 mg, in fact much stronger than say Amitryptilline but as always everyone is different.
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