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Do you ever feel you do too much for others....
#1
Do you ever feel you do too much for others and not enough for yourself, Or worry more about others and not enough about yourselfs?

How do you deal with this and how does it effect you?
Regards 
GN

*edit for background info*

I run a family, not just my immediate family I mean the whole lot; cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, brothers, nan and dad.
I have to make sure they're ok, even when I'm not.
After 4 and a half years it's starting to take its toll seriously on me.
I spend more time on their problems and helping them than i do myself. Is anyone else on this situation?

*edited for more background info*

I only started doing this after my dear mother died :( before that she was the one everyone looked to :/
Should you be trying to make other people few better when you can't even make yourself better?

Sorry for the depressing

GN
They say pain is relative, it certainly feels like a relative of mine... One that I can't get rid of.
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#2
That isn't my situation, frankly I'm mostly too selfish to get like that, though I've been there and certainly observed it happen around me.

Helping and giving to others is rewarding usually. I've found it mostly repays itself, but it is possible to go too far and lose yourself.

I think the key is to realize that, whilst its a good thing to offer a helping hand, if you find yourself repeatedly having to rescue people from problems that are entirely of their own making, you are actually denying them the experience of the lesson they need to learn in order to avoid the problem the next time.

Put time aside for yourself and spend it only on you. Its not selfish if it keeps you strong for everyone else the rest of the time.
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#3
Work is boring and miserable (it's not doing what you like, it's doing what you have to), play is fun. Mum and dad work and pay the bills so I can play. I wasn't A kid, I chose to BE a kid until 14 when It really hit home GCSEs where coming, and if I failed them I'd end up stacking shelves (you can do that with a degree too, but at least you have options), so I had to man up – I did a lot better than predicted. When people do stuff for you you chill – when the music is great you shut up and listen, when the sun is really beautiful maybe you sun bathe. When the shadow comes over, amybe you move out into the sun again. Facing life's issues makes us develop, and we need to mature. Don't take those opportunities away from others or the other others will have to suffer the immature instead. Uni students? wow. 18-19 going 13, that can be really weird. I think everybody should have to fend for themselves for at least a couple of years before they can continue in higher education.

The best thing you can give something, I think, is the right attitude. Like give a man a fish he learns to beg, give a man a fishing rod he get’s lots of fish. The only way to know how to make things right is to do it for yourself, and if you aren’t self-centred how will you learn? We learn the right way off each other, in part at least, don’t we?

Work is just doing what people consider worth paying for, money only buys services. No point in having money or working if not for your satisfaction, no motivation. Forgive the pidgin English, but the idea is to get down to basics, no frills if you see where I’m coming from. Being kind to yourself is the only motivation I can think of to help others, because it’s a way of getting what you like. Of course, if you like helping others then it’s doing what you like, but if you’re complaining of it being a problem it would appear it’s not really good for you.
I think there are lots of reasons to be self-centred – selfishness is the unkind version, but self-centred is the make-yourself-happy version, and I think it’s best for everyone.

If I were to follow in a guy’s footsteps I’d want to know he’d gone somewhere worth going – If you believe in happiness as the product of circumstance you might think a person needs to prove they’ve created a good life before they can say what matters. I’ve seen enough of err difficulties and answerlessness to commit to my choice: my personal contentment, not the ‘right thing’, whatever that is. But I achieve that far better, seemingly as a product of this way of thinking, so I recommend it. I think I work better, and am more helpful too.
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#4
I want to reply with something more drawn out and wordy but GN, i havent got the effort. Instead im just gonnaboil it down as much as i can in my own approximation infact im gonna smoke a doob and read this guys reply and then i might get abit wordy i dunno im gonna be chucking out thoughts so doob sould....maybe...help, well see

Well my box isnt working for quotes so there may be a little less context

ad im gonna go to bned, ill do this later, shameful zoots
  
Try everything twice Because who knows, you might have got it wrong the first time
.
  
C
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#5
Mine isnt working for quotes either,
That's alright borderline; thanks for the reply none the less.
It's good to hear from you pal, hope all is well :)
Regards
GN
They say pain is relative, it certainly feels like a relative of mine... One that I can't get rid of.
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#6
Actually, reading back over this made me think - if you find 'doing too much for others' seems undesirable to you then, like surely all undesirable things in our lives, you're trying to change it. Turn it into something else. So, the effect of a self-harming effort to help others is to work against helping others... if helping others was increasing the value of your life, it'd seem like an encouraging positive spiral. It seems to me that the original mindset, your psychology to help, would lead you the opposite way to your current direction with greater insight. How can you help others if your efforts to do so undo themselves? I can't explain the entirety of this notion, maybe just snippets, but I hope you catch my drift
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