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A brave face, forced smile.
#31
Are you taking something for depression? Those symptoms are very much what many of us with depression feel. Retail therapy etc only helps for a couple of minutes.
Some find a medication that really helps. Your gp will be willing to try quite a few over time until you start feeling better.
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#32
I know how this may sound, and how it might set me up for scorn, but have you researched ayahuasca? I don't mean a quick DMT type fix way, but a proper prolonged exposure in Peru.

Large numbers of people do report serious life changes, including for depression, addiction, and other psychological disorders.

Even the lame Wikipedia article hints at it:
People who have consumed ayahuasca report having spiritual revelations regarding their purpose on earth, the true nature of the universe as well as deep insight into how to be the best person they possibly can.[3] This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what is often described as a rebirth.[4] In addition, it is often reported that individuals feel they gain access to higher spiritual dimensions and make contact with various spiritual or extra-dimensional beings who can act as guides or healers.[5]
Author Don Jose Campos claims that people may experience profound positive life changes subsequent to consuming ayahuasca.

At a decent retreat with a good Shaman, the ceremonies are set up to enable introvision and self-reflection, and a positive long term outcome. They are profound.

It's not something to jump into at the drop of a hat, but in a difficult long-term situation, with no other alternative solution within sight or easy reach. you might want to look at that. If so, perhaps the time to start researching it in depth and detail is now, just in case your current path leads to a dead end... and let's hope on hope that it doesn't.
“If the words 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness' don't include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn't worth the hemp it was written on.” ~ Terence McKenna
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#33
well I have been taking prozac for 3.5 months now. it as completely taken away my feelings of compulsion and obsession in terms of drug cravings and posting on online forums about my problems hence my absence.


But tonight for the first time in a good while I have the genuine desire to take a drug. I feel that it would make everthing right and take me back to a place I feel safe and well. Its been over 24 months since ANY BINGE so I guess I should be proud of myself.
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#34
(31-12-2015, 09:22 PM)Drum Wrote: well I have been taking prozac for 3.5 months now. it as completely taken away my feelings of compulsion and obsession in terms of drug cravings and posting on online forums about my problems hence my absence.


But tonight for the first time in a good while I have the genuine desire to take a drug. I feel that it would make everthing right and take me back to a place I feel safe and well. Its been over 24 months since ANY BINGE so I guess I should be proud of myself.

Yes you bloody well should, that's an achievement that many, including myself, would struggle to achieve.
So? Did you act on your desire and if so, did it make everything right?
Also, have your emotions and motivation for non-drug activities returned since your original post?
This.....is real life
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#35
26 or so months since any drug binge at all.... I stopped prozac 2 months ago and switched to Zoloft, which has controlled my eating. Again I have had zero compulsion for all of my previous behaviors,.

But now I feel like I want to come off medication, before medication I would have 'periods' of time where I would have a huge surge of feeling and emotion, which made me feel ALIVE, now I have very little feeling and emotion... at least I felt alive when I had the emotional surges...... I feel everything is very boring now, although life is very clear as before it was foggy.

Also before I would think of death alot and the idea of suicide, but never any details or acts..... on the medication, the thought enters my mind and immediately is thrown from my thoughts, which I guess is the medication working.
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#36
Binged on 5g 3mmc and 2g Methylone in april.... shitty high, didnt do much, not worth it.... Lol. I thought it would fill all of my fucking needs and curiosities, did it hell.

They didnt stimulate me at all, give me any 'holy shit this is amazing' feelings... yet they tested as 3mmc and m1.....

Blah...


I find myself searching codine cold water extraction.... codine lictus drinks..... maybe I will end up a fucking junkie on heroin in the future..... I never saw this path, but subconsciously I start searching....
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#37
Did you come off your medication as you mentioned you were planning? If so, maybe that's what's triggered the binge and current urge to use opiates? If not, maybe there's another thing that's triggered this. It might feel inevitible, but it's not and you can make different choices.
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#38
Codeine linctus will be even more disappointing than the other shit you took mate, not to mention your tolerance will build up as fast as your dependence. Even weak opiates are really not worth the bother honestly. As a once in a while thing sure, but you know yourself and your personality and if you go on binges opiates are not for you.
Who the fuck is Psychoactive Substances Bill and why is he taking all my drugs?
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#39
ended u having a 15ft tumble and breaking an ankle badly, somehow managed to fob off the obvious and it sailed by as an accident, has made me realize I need to start doing more with my life, appreciating more and embracing everything. Fuck this side of my life, im leaving it for good, getting off meds, never re-visiting or craving shite again.

this dark corner of our lives ultimately ends one or two ways - unhappiness and or an early grave.

it all started one night for me, bored, 19y/o - on an online legal high forum and a wee baggie of mephedrone, and still, 6-7 years one im still about like a bad record. fuck it.
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