• 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5


A brave face, forced smile.
#21
I had to post just to say those feelings are not unique to you, dont feel too alone, just find a way through and share when you need to. A lot of what you say in your first post rings true with me too. I spend all of my time "gettting on with it", getting by, doing what is required, and rarely seem to get much out for my efforts apart from when I am self-medicating. If I am going out I feel I have to put my "public" head on and start the act. When I get home I just flop in the chair with relief and close the door leaving the world outside.

My house is in the state where I would be too embarrassed to invite anybody over even if I wanted to.

I am still not sure my brain recovered from the regular large doses of MDMA I did for a few years but I am starting to think my issue may be 'social anxiety'. I regularly miss important events because for some reason I just cant sleep during the nights leading up to it, I turn into a wreck and hide away.

Sorry if I rambled, first use of Ethylphenidate this evening :)
Reply
#22
In no way is this advise but the fact your trying to slip the words out now could be seen as an improvement, i always found good ol' piracetam a good verbal fluency aid but being prescription only it can be a bugger to import. Im aware noopept is meant to give similar results from a smaller dose., Slow progress and baby steps but for verbal fluency noots can make me rain down fear and hate and love in the same smiley sentence.

I will say i have a knack for this anyway. So any further supp boosting should be done slow and graduated to see what each brings but slippery tongue has been helped for me and friends by noots.

Be cautious be careful.
  
Try everything twice Because who knows, you might have got it wrong the first time
.
  
C
Reply
#23
So I nearly broke my bloody remission last night. The circumstances are *always* the same, I usually feel as previously described 'baseline'. Well I had this overwhelming 'surge' feeling of dopamine dominance throughout my body which led to me comming online, routing through bluelight etc, and nearly pulling the trigger on a couple of cath's from Europe.

I managed to get through the night without doing so, but felt a little manic.
Reply
#24
My friend I wish I had seen/took notice of this thread sooner. I cannot offer advice but I can offer an ear if you ever need to talk :).



Sorry if this is way too late to be of any use.
"To fall in hell or soar angelic you need a pinch of psychedelic".
Humphry Osmond to Aldous Huxley (in a book)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxGqcCeV3qk
Reply
#25
(11-05-2015, 05:10 PM)Drum Wrote: So I nearly broke my bloody remission last night. The circumstances are *always* the same, I usually feel as previously described 'baseline'. Well I had this overwhelming 'surge' feeling of dopamine dominance throughout my body which led to me comming online, routing through bluelight etc, and nearly pulling the trigger on a couple of cath's from Europe.

I managed to get through the night without doing so, but felt a little manic.

Did you ever get a Lego set? Maybe pull the trigger on one of those instead. Again not taking the piss, lego is a really great tool for situations like this. It snapped me out of my developer, eph burnout last year. I think the therapeutic nature of Lego is greatly underestimated. 
"But people, who are not very bright, close their minds to new information. Sometimes, perhaps, out of loyalty to opinions the've held for years but the real loyalty we owe is to truth."
 ~ anon via Bongwater
Reply
#26
Well I made my first step - I booked myself in with a psychotherapist.

Sorry Apollo I haven't managed to get to the lego shop yet!
Reply
#27
(21-05-2015, 11:49 AM)Drum Wrote: Well I made my first step - I booked myself in with a psychotherapist.

Sorry Apollo I haven't managed to get to the lego shop yet!

I made up an ikea malm bed yesterday-took 4 hours F?k me but it got my mind working, its a nice bed though but i kinda wished i got just 2 bases that lock together.

Building the bed brought back memories of building zoids if anyone remembers zoids, and lego...

Did you ever get a Lego set? Maybe pull the trigger on one of those instead. Again not taking the piss, lego is a really great tool for situations like this. It snapped me out of my developer, eph burnout last year. I think the therapeutic nature of Lego is greatly underestimated.


Its very meditative assembling, constructing thing like, you just switch of into your own world Apollo. I used to love lego, especially constructing my own villages with a friend. Then we would build crazy spaceships of our own design and wreck the village.and enjoy the aftermath. F&?K it was great fun.
Reply
#28
I had my first psychotherapy session. Well I cried for about 20 minutes out of the 50 minute slot. It felt good and I actually felt emotion albeit of sadness.


i can only go forward. 
Reply
#29
Good to hear man, expect a lot more tears but it will be worth it in the end bud :).
"To fall in hell or soar angelic you need a pinch of psychedelic".
Humphry Osmond to Aldous Huxley (in a book)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxGqcCeV3qk
Reply
#30
Well guys I've been chem free for 19 months. I have had several more cravings but managed to starve them off.

I have had 6-7 hours of psychotherapy and speaking about everything really helps, it has made me realize that I am unhappy which I had never really identified before, I just got on with it all and thought it was normal. I have now started finding myself telling people in my life I am not happy when I'm feeling very emotionless, this seems to envoke my emotions although ones of sadness which is a huge move forward from 5-6 years of nothing.

I still find myself not getting any enjoyment out of life. On my days off work I find myself aimlessly wandering about, driving places and spending money for the sake of it. Very aimless and non-structured and I just feel alone. I need to tackle this. I have a huge list of things I want to tackle and get on with but literally have zero drive to do them. I suppose I am getting there.
Reply

Reddit   Facebook   Twitter  




Users browsing this thread:
1 Guest(s)

   
DISCLAIMER
Any views or opinions posted by members are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the UKCR staff team.