The Blog of an Etizolam addict and what that entails
I don't know if this will be very interesting but my thought was it might be good to share some bits about my Etizolam abuse.
Context: I had been using Etizolam mainly as a comedown drug from other substances for around a year. After failing my dream to become a teacher and some family problems I started taking it while depressed at home to cover up my unhappiness with how my life was going. At the peak of my use I was taking around 7-8mg of Etizolam per day.
I think the first time I realised I had a small problem with Etizolam was after I went away with work staying in a hotel and was packing my bags. “Better pack some benzo's” I thought, I was going for four days and did not want to be in withdraw while with my new work colleagues. So I had a choice, either I had to face to withdraw while away or I could carry on taking them for a few more days and deal with the withdraw over the Christmas period. “Fuck it I'm in a pimp hotel and I am not shaking and sweating in front of all these new people.” I said out load. I was had been talking to myself a fair bit but saw it as reflective, something spiritual other people wouldn't understand.
I took three Etizolam and headed to the bar. I must have drank around four beers knowing then risk but “I was a pretty seasoned drinker” I reasoned and would be fine for work. A few people I had to chat to where in the hotel as well as what looked like the England Rugby Team. “Nah I didn't recognise any faces” I told myself. There was a girl at the bar though who I could chat with rather than all these boring work people. I took a few more Etizolam that I had cunningly placed in my suit pocket for easy access.
I pulled up and stool and the night went well with this beautiful girl until I woke up the next day. My room looked like a bomb shell and the girl from last night was defiantly not as glowing as she looked last night. I left her in my room and headed to the work seminar I had to attend. “God I am bored, I might as well take another Etizolam to get though this day with my wine.” All the work stuff flew past I headed back to my room pretty happy with myself “but wait something wasn't right.” I thought. When I got back to my room my wallet was missing and the girl from the night before as well.
“Haha” I laughed out load, she hadn't taken my laptop, work phone or my stash “what a shit robbery” I jested. Oh well things could be worse, I took another couple of Etizolam and sat down to watch TV.
“Hmm” I reflected again maybe I need to sort this out.
I reasoned with myself that dealing with withdraw over Christmas was the right choice for my career and ultimately me. The idea that I would be able to control quickly when I came straight off such a high dose was delusional and ultimately led me to the place I was in January. Addicted and with a choice of owning up to everyone or facing it alone.